SAVED & MADE NEW

TW: Depression/Anxiety/SH/Suicide

My name is Khy. I am the founder of The Deep Dive. I wanted to be the first testimony on here to show where I am coming from. My life has not always been easy. I battled Depression and Anxiety. I was diagnosed with Major depressive disorder and mild ptsd. I was on countless medicines and was not a believer. I hit rock bottom after finding out i was adopted. It was extremely difficult for me to come to terms with. I was trying to appease everybody else by seeming okay but I wasn’t. I was a 4 time attempter of suicide. But God kept me here for a reason. I went to church because my mom asked me to. I had no desire to be there. When i went I felt called out. It was the first time i ever felt something like that. There was a burning in my feet and burning in my throat and a burning in my chest. I felt like i needed to jump up and run to the altar. Given my anxiety I am not one to just throw myself into a situation that gives me attention. I pushed the feeling down to the point i was sick leaving church. I started looking up bible verses and reading my dusty bible I had not picked up in years. I turned on christian music and I was curious. a burning desire to learn. I went to bible study and there was that feeling. The burning feeling. I pushed it down again. The next Sunday came around. The night before I had cryed out to Jesus and felt heard and seen for the very first time. I invited my Best friend and her mom to church. The lord just knew i would need extra support. I was sitting in church that burning feeling all over now. It had spread. Tears were brimming in my eyes and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. When it came for altar call I looked to my mom and said “I have to go up there” and rocketed to my feet. I look out over the people now looking at me standing at the front of the church. Something that would have surely once sent me into panic mode felt like peace. I felt a burning in my throat and after proclaiming Jesus as my savior. I asked to speak. The shock on my mothers face. Me? wanting to speak. She started crying as i grabbed the microphone and words flew from my mouth. I told my whole story. Every last bit. I cried and I felt the holy spirit running through me. I remembered in that moment always wondering as a kid what it meant when my mom would explain the worshipping people yelling praise were just “taken by the spirit”. I understood in my own way. I felt like I could just jump for joy. That day will forever be my favorite memory. I will never forget that feeling. I want everyone to feel that feeling.